Yesterday afternoon...
Mac sits at the table drawing and quietly reciting The Declaration of Independence verbatim. Wil wildly flails his body screaming ferociously -- most human skulls would burst at the sound. One brother has retreated into his autistic world, another has burst forth from his. This is how they react to Lee's volatile behavior. Explosions of volcanic proportion which violently erupt from a saddened, frustrated boy living with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. During these episodes Lee either strikes out to harm someone or himself or he runs. This time Lee runs.
He runs out the door, through the forest, down the country road...where to, how far? I don't know because this time I don't chase him. I can't. I'm all used up. I can only pray, "God, you are on your own dealing with it this time. Please watch over him while I cannot." And I continue sitting on the floor...hugging my knees...sobbing from deep within my heart.
Lee returned home safely, picked up his scattered school work and completed it.
Last night...
Lee breaks down sobbing uncontrollably to his dad. His words come between gulps of tears..."I don't want to be different. I don't want to have a problem. I try so hard to do better."
My prayer of thanks tonight is "Thank you God for keeping Lee safe and bringing him back to us today. Thank you that his words were I don't want to have a problem and not I don't want to be a problem". Hope comes in the tiniest increments, and I accept every little bit.
Happy endings come in different forms for different people. Tonight as we are together as a family in our cozy cabin, this was a happy ending. We will be hoping and praying for the next...
