Slurping Life

A Baby, A Golf Tournament and Disney World

No real reason why this was chosen as my Best Shot Monday.  Maybe because it is all I have.

This week we are on spring break.  Here's the scoop...

• We will not be adopting the baby girl of our dreams as hoped.  We're good with that.
• The boys and their dad are in a golf tournament today, and I am the official photographer/cart driver.  It will be way more fun than The Masters.
  
• This week our oldest son is at Disney World with his girlfriend and will be popping the question.

Loving life...looking for adventures...will catch you later.

How about you?  Do you have some fun planned this week?

Because There Is Power and Strength and Hope...

...in hearts joined.

Previously I hinted about a hope which is close to the heart of our family.  We thought the hope had faded...again.  God has kept the hope alive.  The true hope of our family is that two young lives will be protected within His will.

Because there is power and strength and hope in hearts joined, please take a moment to say a prayer...hold two young lives in your care and thoughts...pray, hope that above selfish desire our family accepts what is best for these precious lives.

It sounds vague, I know.  This afternoon will be a pivotal, emotional time for several people.  My husband and I are two of those people.  Please trust that a group of people trying to do what is right simply asks you to offer your spiritual blessing to this situation.

Thank you.

Edited 5:35PM EST -  The situation remains unsolved and quite frankly, a big mess.  All prayers and good thoughts are requested with heartfelt appreciation..

Self and Loving Unselfishly

Doing two or more things at once comes pretty effortlessly to me, but that can be more of a curse than a gift.  It means no one or no thing is receiving my undivided attention...my best.

Stacy challenged us to shoot ourselves.  Here is the way I chose to shoot myself this week...

(Note the dark under eye circles which I chose not to Photoshop...sleepless nights.)   

Half here, half not here and a bit out of focus. I've been that way a lot recently.  Just ask my family and they will tell you stories.  Thankfully, this is my blog and they do not get to talk to you about me.  Go with the thought that I am working on being all in one place at one time and not scattering myself thinly across the universe.  I hear my family hoping and praying for that one to come true.  Some days they must wish I'd vanish...just for a little while.  I'm okay with that.  Sometimes I wish the same...but just for a little while because...

I relish the perks of being the only female in a male household.  A ratio of five males to one female provides treasured manifestations of love for me...as in the picking and delivering of wild flowers and weeds by young male hands.  My kitchen windowsill is never empty.

So I really don't mind picking up their dirty socks and underwear on this Love Thursday and every day.

I'm going to step away from blogging for a few hours, days, weeks...some period of time.  Maybe occasionally a few photos, a few words...I don't know.  There are a lot of dirty socks strewn about and I don't want to miss picking up a single one.  Love means being fully here, fully focused.

Funny how dirty laundry brings such clarity to life.

to feel that something desired may happen

 

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all. " 
                              ~~ Emily Dickinson

Lying awake at night rolling possibilities through my thoughts over and over and...sleep, I need sleep.  The darkness encloses me.  Surely this is not the change my heart has been yearning.  But what if...

I can't bring myself to write openly about my hope, our family's hope.  It is fully dependent upon someone else and my emotions are undulating.  I am mistaken.  Our hope and faith lies with God...so I give it to Him and rest.

Open your heart...something desired may happen for you.  I hope so.

The Heart of the Matter

Recent months find our family falling a smidgen behind with our homeschooling lessons.  Unexpected life events have a way of altering plans and schedules, but you all know that.  We have been working diligently to get back on task and pushing hard and furious to catch up.   That hasn't been such a good plan.  So I have been doing a lot of re-planning.  Let me rephrase that - AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!  Yeah, that's more like what I've been doing.

So finding a resource such as The Heart of the Matter online magazine was like sitting at the kitchen table with a good friend sipping tea and hearing the words, "Sweetie, it'll be alright.  Things will get back on track.  Just be patient."  Pour me another cup, please.

If you are a homeschooling family The Heart of the Matter is a delightful blend of encouragement and practical ideas to keep (or get) your homeschooling on track.  An eclectic group of contributors keep the content and inspiration flowing with a monthly issue and daily blogging.  The editors Amy S. and Amy B. have recently formed a research panel to "give us insight into what YOU want in a homeschool site and magazine."  I am thrilled to be a member of the panel.

Now you know.  Pop over and find tons of homeschooling resources in one location...and a friend to say "Sweetie, it'll be alright."

That Bottle of Wine Called My Name

Sometimes I simply lose my mind and take the boys shopping.  In my defense it is impossible to buy shoes for the boys without them...in a store...with me...trying on shoes...in a store...with me...

Me:   "Boys, we have to get new shoes for you guys, but first we'll grab a bite to eat."

Mac:  "I'm not hungry.  I won't eat.  Not even cookies."

Lee:  "I bet we're going to R*by Tuesday.  I don't like anything there."

Me:   "Yes, we are, and quite frankly I don't care if either of you eat.  You just watch me eat."

Wil:  "I'll eat.  I'm real hungry."

WHACK!

[sounds of gagging and choking follow...mixed with under-breath laughter]

WHACK!  [again]

Lee has whacked Wil, apparently for theoretically siding with me...mom...the mortal enemy of a thirteen year old boy.  Then when I reprimanded Lee, Mac laughed and, of course, Lee whacked him....while, Wil snuggly placed his hands around Lee's neck.  They all, of course, fell into a wrestling dog pile.  I, of course, watched and waited until they were finished.

We have yet to walk out the door of our home.  Fast forward, we are now in the SUV on our way to the restaurant...Lee the lone occupant of the third row seat...Mac and Wil in the second row seats.

Wil:  "I need to go the the driver's license office and take my driving test now."

Me:   "What are you talking about?  You're ten years old."

Mac:  "Mom, mom what's green, creamy and covered with chocolate?"

Wil:  "Now!  I must take my driver's test right now.  Then I want to buy a car."

Me:   "Mac, I have no idea.  Wil, you're talking foolishly.  We're going out to eat and buy shoes."

Wil:   "You don't understand.  I have to take my driver's test now."

Mac:  "Mom?"

Me:   "What, Mac?"

Mac:  "I asked you a riddle.  What's green, creamy and covered with chocolate?"

Wil:  [mutters] "Now"

Me:  "Hmmmm...I don't know, Mac.  What?"

Mac:  "A snot-fudge sundae."

Did I mention we're on our way to dinner?  Yum-o.

Lee:  "Mom, Mac brought that joke book with him.  I am not going to listen to his dumb jokes while I eat dinner.

Me:   "No problem.  You don't like the food where we're going, so you won't be having dinner.  Remember?"

Lee:  "hurrmph"

Wil:  [is growling like an angry bear]

Mac:  "Mom, mom, why did Ms. Dibbles put a stick of dynamite in her trunk?"

Lee:   [groans] "Shut-up, Mac!

Me:  "Lee, we do not tell people to shut-up."

Lee:  "Mac, be quiet before I punch you."

Mac:  "Just in case she had to blow up a flat tire."

Wil:  "Mooooooom!

Me:  "Wil, you are ten years old.  You have never even driven a car.  You...

Wil:  [squirms while shoving his hand deep into his jeans' pocket...then interrupts me while waving cash in the air]  "I am going to the driver's license testing place and tell the people I will pay them $4 if they will let me take the driving test."

Me:  "Wil, I  don't think a State employee can be bribed with $4.  Besides, you don't have a ride to the place, and we are not going to talk about this anymore tonight.  Okay, guys, we're here.  You know how to behave at dinner, and there will be serious consequences for anyone who breaks the rules.  Boys, indicate you hear me."

[in unison]:  "Yes, m'am."

Again, fast forward.  Dinner went well...only the usual get your hands off my food; burp/belch; I'm still hungry; did you see that fire truck that went by (while adjusting the window blinds); I'm still hungry; I feel like I'm going to barf; Mac, why are you holding your glass with your elbows?; No, we are not going to the driver's license place; Oh server...I'd like another plate of food (from the two who weren't going to eat);  uh-oh...ma'am, could we have extra napkins, please?.   You know, the usual meal.

Yet, on their way out of the restaurant an older couple stopped by our table and commented "What handsome, well-behaved boys you have."

Huh?  "Uh, thank you.  Have a good evening."  I wanted to asked if their hearing aid batteries needed replacing and if their eye wear prescriptions were up-to-date.  I suppose a mom's superhero hearing and x-ray vision pick up a lot more than those of the average stranger.  Thank goodness for the kindness of hard-of-hearing, vision-impaired people.  They gave me renewed strength to trudge forward toward the goal of purchasing new shoes for the boys.

Gratefully, the drive to the store was brief.

I will not drag out the dialog of shopping for shoes in the mega-sporting goods store, but I remember saying...hearing...

• No, you may not get roller blades in place of shoes.
• Please get your shoe out of the ball bin.
• Sorry, the driver's license place is closed.
• Where's Mac?  Mac?
• Put that cue stick back where you got it.
• Gross, oh man, gross!
• What!?  Is it illegal to fart?
• Did you turn that thing on?
• No, we will not be purchasing rifles with scopes.
• Where did you get that boxing glove?
• Maybe next time we'll buy a heavy bag (punching bag). 
• No, until then you may not use use brother's face.
• The driver's license place is closed.
• Get out of that gun safe.
• Where's Wil?  Wil?
• No, you may not get a trampoline in place of shoes.
• Stop, you're head is going to get stuck in there.
• I thought Dad was meeting us here?
• Yeah, me, too.  I'll call him.
• Sorry.  Excuse us.
• Could someone stick me with a needle that puts me to sleep cause this is boring.
• How I wish I had such a needle.
• You may not play disc golf inside the store.
• I don't know how you decide whether or not you like disc golf unless you try it before you buy it.
• [to a store employee] Hi, could you help us.  His shoe lace is caught in the elliptical.
• Where's Lee?  Lee?
• Help!  Over here...in this tent. Help!  The zipper's stuck.
• Thanks, mom.

We made our way to the shoe department, found shoes for all, headed for check-out and as I swiped a rectangular piece of plastic through the contraption...

Mac:  "Mom, mom, what is invisible and smells like bananas?"

Me:   "I have no idea."

Mac:  "Monkey burps."

Lee:  "Dork."

Wil:   "Tomorrow, I'm taking my driving test."

I smiled, gathered my little apes, and all the way home I heard a small, quiet voice calling my name.

Heard any voices this week?

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Sitting on the deck snuggled in a fuzzy blanket...click...photo snapped...lunar eclipse.  Only it wasn't the lunar eclipse I was experiencing.  Something about the cold night air...the miracle of the heavens...the emotions of a woman, a wife, a mom flooded.  Snapping me back from several days of fretting while trying to get life back on track, back to routine, the lunar eclipse was a total eclipse of the heart...darkening the worries and illuminating the joy of living. 

Life is difficult to navigate, organize and manage, but life is amazing.  Life is the great gift.  I stand in awe.  My younger boys are growing, changing rapidly, and I want to slow down the changes...frame by frame...like freezing time in a series of photos.  I can't.  I can slow me down and breathe the life of every moment.

Inhale...exhale...slow down...stand in awe...tell me what you feel?

Hurry Up And Wait, NOW!

Finally, the morning of my procedure arrives, January 28.  I unfold the letter from the patient coordinator to read and be certain of where to go for registration.  *gasp*  I was to have visited the lab on January 22 for preop.  *uh....ah...grunt...groan...run in circles for a few seconds*  There is a reason these letters are sent a couple of weeks in advance...things go smoothly if the patient actually reads the letter in advance of the day of the procedure. 

Using my most pitiful pleaseImustgetthisdonetodaybecauseIhavemadeallthe
arrangementsmyhusbandtookthedayofffromwork voice, I telephone and speak with the patient coordinator.  She says get to the hospital lab NOW and tell them to do your work-up STAT and MAYBE we can get this done today. [emphasis is that of the patient coordinator]

Next picture me who has mood issues when hungry and, being preop, is not allowed to eat - a husband who has just been told what I have done (rather not done) and who is now accurately labeled as disgruntled - a thirteen year old bipolar/ADHD boy - a ten year old Asperger's Syndrome boy - and an Iwillbeteninacoupleofdayswhoisarrangingmybirthday celebration cerebral palsy/PDD NOS boy - all rushing through a two-story house searching for underwear, brushing teeth, shoving and pushing and grabbing toaster waffles with one hand (but not me, I'm not allowed to eat), socks and shoes with the other, hanging coats upon our heads as we tip-toe run barefoot across the freezing cold cement garage floor and fall into the vehicle.  Good.  We're on our way.

After the bonding experience of dressing and eating in the SUV the guys kick me out onto the curb we arrive safely at the entrance of the outpatient center...where, incidentally, I was told by the surgeon's patient coordinator to go STAT.  Husband goes to park the vehicle as I go through the door and to the registration counter. After explaining the situation to the registration lady, she tells me "Your procedure is today and you need preop?"

"Yes."

"You should not be here.  Go to the hospital main entrance and directly to central registration."

I arrive at central registration, tell the tale, again, am handed a stapled stack of papers with more information about myself than I ever knew and told to go immediately to cubicle number six.  The registration process is in motion, and I realize that hubby has no clue where I am.  After parking the SUV the disgruntled husband will have to hike through a cold parking garage and search a mega-sized medical center for me...the three above-described boys in tow...because I don't have my cell phone to tell him where I am now or will be later.  "He can't find me.  Maybe that's a good thing" crosses my mind.

Registration complete.  A kind lady escorts me to the "AM Surgery" waiting room where I wait...for two hours...for STAT preop.  I caused my family near bodily harm to get to the hospital NOW for STAT preop as instructed, and I sit and wait...for two hours...and my family hasn't a clue where to find me.  My family hasn't a clue where to find me!

It was two of the most peaceful hours of my life.

Isn't it great how we (moms) appreciate the little pleasures of life?

*Thank you for your prayers and thoughts, I am home and fine. This was a simple 'look and see' procedure; the angioplasty-stent will be next week.  Right now I'm off to enjoy my last few hours of queen for a day...and of my baby being nine years old.

Long Ago

Long ago. The struggle to keep him alive...the struggles to keep each of them alive...the three of them....began long ago.  Then came the struggles to manage each of their medical, behavioral and learning special needs. 

It seems along the way of keeping them alive and safe and managing their needs at any given moment, I forgot.  I forgot that they just might grow up, healthy and strong.  They did.  Now I need to tell them so many things...explain so much.  It is difficult to fathom that they had lives before me...only briefly, but they had hard lives before me...their mom.  Yet they are a part of me and always have been.

Thank God...they have grown strong and healthy and will one day...in the blink of an eye...be men.  There are new adventures awaiting our family as the boys grow up.  I am afraid...and excited...and happy.

These thoughts played through my mind when I snapped this photo of Wil...my baby...soon to be ten years old.

Photo as shot, no cropping.  Editing in Photoshop Elements 5, curves, sharpening.  Click to enlarge.

Many other photos and stories are waiting for you at Best Shot Monday.  Do drop by, and do share yours.

A Rainbow Made With Love ~ Thursday's Theme

The rainbow afghan was crocheted more then twenty years ago by his great grandmother.  Only our now twenty-six year old son knew her.  She only knows our younger three sons by looking down upon them from heaven...yet she has loved and nurtured each of them from infancy to present. 

We have a treasure of baby afghans and adult-sized afghans handmade with love for us by Granny Mac, and each of us reaches for one when feeling under the weather.  We have been reaching for them a lot during the past month and are still grabbing.  It's a good thing Granny Mac made enough to go around.

What color has touched your life recently?  Visit Stacy's Theme Thursday to see more of this week's photo theme...color...and join the weekly fun.

    

Uncertainty Leads To Holding Tight To One's Faith And Keeping A Vow

Sitting alone in the late night darkness of a hospital room is scary.  Especially when so much is uncertain and serious.  That's where I am physically and emotionally.

Tuesday I posted  a vow that I made to myself on Monday evening, and later on Tuesday I shared when seemed to be a confirmation of the vow.  Then came a complete halt to life as I was living it or planning to live it.  Yet, the abrupt events seemed another confirmation.

I am still typing left-handed only and still trying to grasp some things, but I've had some email questions about my situation.  A simple post is easier on the hand and mind that many email responses.  I'll give a time line of what's up.  I can only type in brief intervals and began this post on Friday night while still in the hospital, but I'm not certain when it will be completed and posted.

• Very late Tuesday night while working at the computer I apparently blacked out.  I awoke later with no idea of time or how long I was out.  When I reached for the computer mouse to close my photo editing program, I couldn't.  I could not move my right arm.  My hand was non-functional, wrist dropped, hand drawn, curled.  Paralyzed.
• Because of my family history of cardiovascular disease and my own risk factors, my doctor  admitted me to the hospital stroke unit.  I had more scans, xrays, brain and neck MRIs, blood work, IV's and pokes and prods than I knew existed.  Wednesday and all night I waited to hear from doctors, as several had to read scans and tests, confer and then explain to me what they had found.
• On Thursday morning added to my medical roster were a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, a cardiologist, a vascular surgeon, and an occupational therapist.
• Late Thursday morning the doctors came to report.  My brain MRI is clear with no sign of a stroke.  I have an artery which feeds my left shoulder and arm (not the paralyzed side) that is significantly blocked (stenosis).  Almost no pulse in my left wrist.  I will need cardiac catheterization and a stent.  That blockage is stealing blood from the right side of my brain, but was not the cause of my paralysis.  I probably blacked out due to a lessened blood flow to my brain, which was not an actual stroke.  The stent has not yet been scheduled due to other issues to resolve first.
• I also had a echo-cardiogram which showed a strong healthy heart, no abnormalities.  Good heart, good brain.  Good.
• I have long known that my fifth cervical disc was deteriorating and that recently it is progressing more rapidly.  Another genetic gift.  It's a chronic pain eased somewhat with therapy, exercise and stretching.  The fourth and sixth cervical vertebrae have become involved.  It is a combination of those discs having become seriously inflamed and compressed which is causing the right side weakness in my shoulder, no ability to use my arm and no hand grip.  That probably occurred as a result of my neck position while I was unconscious.  I am on a steroid which is reducing the inflammation and giving back arm movement and some hand grip.  It could relapse once the steroid is discontinued and then other options, possible surgery, will be investigated.  I cannot remain on steroids for extended periods.  Occupational therapy will continue.
• My radial nerve, which controls the use of my fingers, backward flexion and certain rotation and side to side movement of my wrist has been damaged.   This was due to the position in which I remained propped on the lower portion of my arm while unconscious.  It may or my not be reversible damage.  If not reversed on its own within the week, the neurosurgeon will do a nerve study to determine if it can be reversed with surgery.  I have a hand-wrist brace/support.
• During scan of my carotid arteries (main arteries in neck feeding the brain) a lump was noted on my thyroid, as a general view of the thyroid can be seen within the same scan. 
• Having cleared me of the possibility of stroke and addressed the neurological issues, I am moved from the stroke unit to the oncology floor.  They suspect thyroid cancer.
• Friday morning I am scheduled for a thyroid sonogram and injection of radioactive isotopes to enhance a series xrays of my thyroid.  These are completed, and I wait some more.
• Friday afternoon my doctor tells me there is more than one nodule, the endocrinologist and oncologist must review the sonogram and xrays.
• Blood is drawn for further thyroid tests.  I can go home Saturday morning continuing current medications and occupational therapy.  I will have an appointment scheduled to meet with the endocrinologist and a biopsy after the tests are reviewed in depth and, if necessary, meet with the oncologist.

It is now Saturday, and I am home...waiting.  It feels good to be home.  I am thrilled to be able to hug my family, and the phrase "slurping life" has become an even stronger motto for me. 

Thank you for your thoughts, hugs and prayers.  They mean much more than my words could ever express.

Blessings to you and yours.

**Apologies for typos and poor grammar, sentence structure.  One armed and half-brained stinks. *smile*

Sometimes Life May Not Feel Like A Gfit

...but it is.  Please remember that fact.

Reflect on this: You, with all your flaws, have been chosen for this opportunity to consciously taste life, to know it for what it is, and to make of it what you are able. This gift of a conscious life is grace, even when your life is filled with great difficulty and it may not feel like a gift at the time.  --Philip Moffitt

Wishing a Thanksgiving full of grace, love and beautiful memories to you and your family.

Oak Leaf People And Little Girl Giggles

Sunday's weather felt like a warm spring day rather than autumn.  The sunshine and breeze drew me out of doors and underneath the big oak tree on our front lawn.  We have lived in this house for nearly five months, and today was the first day I noticed the leaves of the oak tree and remembered the oak leaf people.

   

When I was a little girl several weeks of each summer was spent at my grandmother's house.  Each summer I packed my favorite clothes, a few of my favorite things and my Bible in preparation for the most fun I would have all summer.  Mom and dad made the two hour drive to drop me off at Grandmama's house.  Those were the happiest days of my childhood. 

Grandmama lived in a little white, wooden house with green shutters.  A matching set of two metal rockers and glider graced the front porch.  A low manicured hedge lined the yard, and the giant magnolia tree sat to the side...underneath that tree many family portraits were snapped.  A screen door creaked open as I made my way through the wooden front door which had a window insert halfway up.  A curtain sewn with her very own hands covered the window.  Grandmama was an expert seamstress.  She was an expert grandmother.  Everything was always immaculate and smelled just like Grandmama.  I loved to sit nestled next to her and inhale deeply.  She smelled so pretty.

My cousin, Cathy, lived in the same town.  Cathy was older than me and, basically, I worshiped the ground she walked on.  Over the course of my stay, she and I would spend some days and nights at her house.  But mostly, we were at Grandmama's.

Nearby was a small township within the larger town.  We would walk there and take in a movie or drop by the drugstore and have a cherry coke, a root beer float, buy comic books and all sorts of ten cent treasures.  Then we would skip, walk, and run the sidewalks back to Grandmama's house and be greeted by her freshly baked cookies, pies or cakes...and the most beautiful, loving smile that I had ever seen.

Across the road, right in front of Grandmama's house, was the cotton mill.  My grandfather had worked there.  My mother's brothers worked there.  Most everyone in that small town worked there.  The mill  property was as wide as many neighborhood blocks.  All along the front of the mill property was the greenest grass, the most beautiful trees I have ever seen.  There were hundreds of trees.  For two little girls looking for a playground, it was heaven.

I do not remember all of the tree varieties.  I do remember the huge magnolia and oak trees.  I remember trees with limbs all the way down to the ground...perfect for climbing up and up and up some more.  I remember the magnolia trees and their pods of bright red seeds.  And I remember the oak trees...full of people...leaf people, better than paper dolls...for Cathy and me. 

Plucked from the trees just as they were, each leaf was a perfect mommy or little girl...her head, arms, skirt and legs clearly visible.  To make the daddy and little boys, we simply tore off the bottom extension...the mom, girl legs...and were left with daddies and little boys.  We played for hours underneath the summer shade of those cotton mill trees.  Even now I can hear the chatter of family meals, cleaning house, children being loved by parents, brothers and sisters arguing...all among the oak leaf people created by Cathy and me. 

When the all of the scenarios had been played out, we ran barefoot and tumbled and jumped and giggled across the luscious lawn.  We reached and heaved and tugged and scaled tree after tree.  Then at the end of the day, just before Grandmama would call out, we would find ourselves lying on the soft, cool earth...breathless...happy...and looking at castles in the sky...ponies in the clouds...

Now Cathy is a grandmother, living in the small town of our childhood, surrounded by her sons, their wives and children.  Funny, Cathy is the mother of all boys and so am I. 

Many years ago the trees of the mill lawn were cut down, the lawn plowed under and paved over.  My Grandmama's house is no longer family-owned.  But nothing, nothing will ever change those treasured summer memories of Cathy and me playing with the oak leaf people...and giggling.

I am thankful for family and happy memories.  As Thanksgiving Day approaches, I pray that fond memories and family surround you with the warmth of love.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Giddy About Abnormal Abnormalities

Yeah, so what...I already posted this blurry photo with heads and faces chopped off and there is nothing technically correct about it.  But it was taken on the day that we received good news which made us oh so giddy.  The boys and I (me, second from the bottom) were playing dog pile...all giddy and giggly having just returned from a doctor's appointment.  Giddy is Thursday's Theme.

A few weeks ago I shared with you that Lee was adding a pediatric cardiologist to his list of doctors.  Being the caring people that you are, many prayers were said for Lee.  Thank you.

What started all of this hoopla was Lee's abnormal EKG.  His psychiatrist ordered an EKG to be certain none of his medications were causing cardiac problems.  When the results came back the pediatric cardiologist said the medications were not a problem, but the EKG results were indicative of a congenital heart defect.  Oh.

After scheduling the echo-cardiogram and other ordered tests and examinations, I phoned Lee's pediatrician who has followed him since he was six months old.  In my best freaked out incoherent manner of speech, I told Dr. F what was going on.  Dr. F happens to have become a friend and goes above and beyond the call of duty for our kids, especially Lee (that's a whole nudder story).  He looked at the EKG and said "That is not the EKG of a normal twelve year old heart, and I cannot believe that I or any other doctor have not heard the problem in twelve years."  Oh.  He added, "Have the cardiologist email me as soon as the tests are complete.  In the meantime if Lee is feeling fine, don't worry."  Oh.

On Monday Lee had the final of tests and examinations by the pediatric cardiologist, and we received his full report.  The doctor began, "See this dip where blah blah blah...and if that were the only abnormality, I would have no concern."  He continues, "Now, see this over here...blah blah blah...well, the two of these abnormalities together are a huge concern.  This indicates a serious congenital heart defect where during the formation of Lee's heart...blah blah blah..."  I was stuck way back at "serious congenital heart defect".

Apparently the doctor noticed the tears welling up in my eyes or maybe the way I was clutching my own heart and gasping for breaths...he quickly clarified.  "But Lee's echo-cardiogram and other tests are completely normal.  I find absolutely nothing wrong with his heart.  Well crap, couldn't he have said that when beginning this conversation?  He nearly had an adult cardiac case on his hands.

Bottom line...a team of pediatric cardiologists have determined that Lee's heart has abnormal abnormalities.  Yup, his EKG bears the abnormalities...but for no apparent reason.  Oh.  Leave it to my child...abnormal abnormalities?  I am so confused...and so relieved...and so giddy.

We thank those of you who prayed for and thought good thoughts for Lee.  I'm chalking this one up as prayers answered.

I am behind on blog reading and will be visiting all you bloggy friends and BSM, WW and TT buddies tonight and tomorrow.  After cardiology we spent our spare time this week discovering Lee is asthmatic?!  The fun just never stops.  But it's all good.  Thanks to Mac, we know how to handle asthma.

Hi, My Name Is Melody And I Take Photos

Today is a perfect day for Tracey's Thursday's Theme...mom.

Susan Getgood is an energetic, creative marketing consultant for HP who works closely with blogging moms.  Susan conducted a series of interviews with moms who love photography and were given the opportunity to try the new HP photo books.  I LOVE these easy to use, professional quality photo books, and you will, too.

Next week Slurping Life will have a contest with the opportunity for several lucky people to win a HP photo book.  In the meantime, here's the link to a 20% discount on the purchase of these fabulous photo books.  If patience is not your best quality and you can't wait for a chance to win one, visit the HP Store and start shopping.  Christmas is coming and it's coming fast.

While you sit around all excited anticipating my contest, grab a cup of your favorite beverage, kick back and take a few leisurely moments to read the first group of mom interviews...you'll see some familiar faces and photos.  You will also be inspired to pick up your camera and create beautiful memories of your own.

Halloween Traditions ~ Wordless Wednesday

   

More photo fun can be found at Wordless Wednesday.

Our Halloween fun began early today.  I'll catch up with my BSM and WW friends tomorrow.  Thanks for stopping by.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Relinquishing It All

Peace...

The night surrounds me with quiet...dark, still, quiet...except for the sound of my children breathing.  In reverence I slip into each boy's room...kneel softly beside each bed...gently kiss and stroke each head.  Tears caress my cheeks...flutters fill my heart...hope lives within my soul.  I pray for each of my sons...

God, please give my child peace.  Hold him within your arms...protect him...guide him...and please, please give him peace which leads to happiness. 

As I exit the third room I stop, kneel in the hallway and pray the same blessings upon my son who is in the world...all grown up...on his own...and still my child.

Then I quietly slip into our bed...pull the covers over my body.

The night surrounds me with quiet...dark, still, quiet...except for the sound of my love's breathing.  He turns, his arms embrace me as he sleeps.  Tears caress my cheeks...flutters fill my heart...hope lives within my soul...I pray for us...

God, please give us peace.  Hold us within your arms...protect us...and please, please give us peace which leads to happiness.

And I sleep...relinquishing it all.

Each of us has fears...prayers...hopes.  If given one prayer answered, one wish fulfulled...what would yours be?

Someplace Else

Right now...at this moment...I cannot possibly respond to each comment or email personally. (Wow, the emails.)  Please accept my sincere "thank you" for your words of support, prayer, understanding and "I'm there, too."  You are in my prayers, also.  So many of you deal with much more than I...you are amazing and inspirational.

My family is currently faced with issues and decisions that I never could have imagined.  We are dealing with those.  I'm someplace else.

Bottom line...thank you for caring.

comments are closed...go hug your family

Perhaps You've Been Misled

My husband slathered the boys in sunscreen, gathered towels, various garb, snacks, drinks and herded the boys down the street to the neighborhood pool.  The door closed behind them.  Good.  I was about to meltdown and cause more harm than a nuclear explosion.  It had been that hard of a day.  I sat down and wept.

Recently, I have "met" several mothers online who are in the beginning stages of parenting children with special needs and others who are feeling helpless in the middle of the process.  They've sent me emails and/or left comments on my blog stating how they admire my ability to "do it all"; that they marvel at "how I get it all done"; wondering "how I can be so strong and patient".  I'm afraid that perhaps you've been misled, and I do NOT want to seemingly set unattainable standards for you to emulate.  You need to see the disheveled, insane woman that is me.  Some days there ain't enough chocolate in the world.

(I'm fine...it's to squelch rumors life is all pretty and perfect here.*smile*)

Here on my blog I don't often talk about the bad days mainly because when blogging, I would prefer to let go of thoughts of the trying moments and focus on the humor and the photos I've taken.  In reality a part of each of my days is a bad day, but so is everyone's.  I do strive to find the humor in every moment of my life for what good does it do to constantly whine or fret.  Humor gets me through.  Focusing on the happy, fun aspects of parenting my special purpose sons is how I choose to live.  It's how I remain sane or at least hold on to the appearance of sanity.

You also need to know it is not an "I" effort, but rather a "we" effort.  First of all, I depend on my Christian faith.  God holds me up. 

Second, I depend on my husband.  There is no way I could nor was ever meant to "do it all".  People, in my opinion my man deserves sainthood.  Many are the days their dad comes home from a long day of work and takes the boys.  Completely takes the boys from the house for some fun or sends me somewhere...alone.  He understands the stress I deal with having three against one while homeschooling them through various abilities and needs five days a week. If the boys and I are tying up loose ends of homeschool when he arrives home, he'll prepare dinner which we always eat as a family...together.  He is almost always the parent supervising the rambunctiousness that is bath time at our house.  We go through administering medications, Lee's injection, games, discussions, reading aloud...together.  We tuck them in after family Bible study and prayers...together.  We take turns putting them back in bed because each child deals with trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep.  We then collapse...together.

While I have journalized a few of the hard times here at Slurping Life, perhaps I need to do it a little more often.  Oh no, not a whine fest, but a reality check.  Just so my adored regular readers and new people who venture by are not misled.  So that everyone knows I can't and don't do it all; don't have the patience of a saint; screw up constantly; often feel totally inadequate, stressed to the gills, throw up my hands in defeat and cry like a baby about it all.  And none of these things makes me OR you a failure at motherhood.  It means we are human.

So as parents let's continue to support one another...laughing and crying together...deal?

Yesterday ~ Remembering for Best Shot Monday

My Grandmama was strong...and soft...and bright...and never flickering.  She gave me childhood summers that I remember as perfect. Most of all she gave me herself.  Yesterday was the tenth anniversary of her death.  But she'd tell you it was the tenth anniversary of the beginning of her life.  She was that devout and steadfast in her Faith. 

Until this morning I did not understand why I felt so distant, so out of sorts yesterday.  Then I remembered...

 

Yesterday

I did not understand

My need to cry,

My feelings of loss and longing,

My heart's ache.

Today

I remember you being

My source of strength,

My light of warmth and hope,

My heart's joy.

Forever

I see you dancing;

I feel your spirit;

I hear your words of love;

I remember you.

~Melody

Thank you for reading and, thereby, honoring my Grandmother with me. 

Visit the home of Best Shot Monday where your gracious, talented host is Tracey.

Dad, Tell Us Another Story

Four years, that seems to be the magical age when each of my boys released their grasp around my leg and began the constant run-along behind their dad.  With my first two boys a bit of jealousy overtook me at this sudden shunning, but soon I realized mom was still needed...just in a different way. 

Over the weekend I watched my husband and our three younger sons rummage through years of tool collecting, a definite male bonding moment.  Trying to respect their special time, I did not eaves drop, but simply went about my chores.  I did overhear enough to understand how precious was their time together.  The chunks of my husband's voice reaching my ears clued me that family stories were being shared... 

Cutter Mac used this tire gage at his service station.  It was a Pure Oil station and he owned it for many years.  He would always have this tire gage clipped inside the pocket of his grease-stained uniform shirt as he greeted the regulars with a smile and a story.  I learned a lot from Cutter Mac when I was a young boy.  I did not have the chance to spend many years with him because he died at quite a young age for a grandfather...

As his voice continues with delightful stories, my thought was he may not have had many years with Cutter Mac, but the character of his maternal grandfather thrives within my husband.  Oddly enough, the spirited character of Cutter Mac lives within our son, Mac, who was aptly named after him yet bears no biological connection...but is certainly connected.

 

Then come the stories of my husband's paternal grandfather...always known as Granddad...

He spent most of his life working in a cotton mill, but was happiest at home in his woodworking shop.  He built furniture, some pieces which we now have in our home.  This wood plane and hammer were his.  He passed the woodworking and building skill to my dad and my dad to me.  Granddad was always full of big tales which were exaggerated a little more each time he told them.  Granddad lived into his nineties, and Lee, you met him but were too small to remember...

Once again his voice continues as I realize he has passed the love for building, creating to our sons.  Strangely enough Lee and Wil, who are both named after Granddad, are our teller of tales which grow a little further from the truth each time they are spoken.  Again, the boys bear no biological connection to Granddad...but are definitely connected.

Indeed, there is much more in that rusty old tool box than a hoard of smelly, greasy tools.  There is family history...generations of love and afternoons sharing stories.  I can  picture "C" with his dad as the stories were passed, good times reminisced.  Thanks to a rusty old box of tools and afternoons between fathers and sons...the stories live.

Each of our four sons is named for a grandfather, great grandfather, great great grandfather and further back it goes...I am so pleased to have given them such precious connections.

How does your family share stories?  Stay connected through the generations?  Over rusty tool boxes, baking family recipes, during long walks...I'd love to hear about it. 

Repose

Blogger Reflection Award: This award should make an individual reflect upon five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and who have provided a Godly example. In other words, five dear bloggers whom, when you reflect upon them, you are filled with a sense of pride and joy...of knowing them and being blessed by them.

The award was begun by a special young lady 16 years of age.  Read about it, and I think you will agree she is indeed a special young lady.

This honor touches my heart.  I want to thank Jane, Audrey and Sharon, those inspirational Pinks & Blues Girls, and equally inspiring, Jan of Mauzy's Musings for honoring me with the Blogger Reflection Award.  It has been a couple of weeks since they bestowed the honor, and I apologize for being so long to bow and humbly accept.  I must also apologize for not passing the award to fellow bloggers as th