I will...
start living the life I've imagined
worry less and enjoy more
have a new adventure
add something beautiful to the world
leave this day better than I found it
fall in love with life all over again
.
I will...
start living the life I've imagined
worry less and enjoy more
have a new adventure
add something beautiful to the world
leave this day better than I found it
fall in love with life all over again
.
If I loved you less, I could talk about it more.
~~Jane Austin
♡
The earth spins, always.
It doesn't stop to mourn our pain or celebrate our joy...it keeps spinning.
Sadness, gladness come, go,
the earth keeps spinning.
Life begins, life ends,
the earth keeps spinning.
You are not with me,
the earth keeps spinning.
♡
I love you with an ache more intense than the pain of labor.
I did not endure labor pains to become your mother
But I am your mother
and now
the pain.
Pain which mortifies me because
I know that
My pain pales beside yours.
Please, please
believe that
you have strength which you've yet to find.
Search, dig, claw your way
and find your strength.
You are a capable, beautiful soul.
I know you.
You can do this.
I am your mother.
I have always loved you, and
I always will.
♡
While I know that often the best decision is the most difficult,
my struggle is accepting that the best decision was to
place my child for treatment where
no one truly loves him.
At bedtime no one hugs him and whispers "I love you".
That's for me to do,
and I'm not there.
I can't hold him.
He can't hear me.
And his bed in his home
is empty.
♡
I hold steadfastly
to faith,
to believing through my faith that
that what I have done matters.
Without faith
I could not do this.
Without faith
I could not make him do this.
♡
I suppose the reason these words were written is
with the hope that someone will find strength among them.
I don't know;
maybe it's me searching for strength.
♡
Watching as this diverse group of women stood by waiting to go onstage and perform a belly dance, my thoughts were...
How brave and self-assured these women are...mothers, sisters, daughters, women...preparing to go onstage before hundreds of people for a belly dancing performance.
I felt it...what they have...and I want it...
...that umph go for it spirit...that this is for me do not care what anyone else thinks spirit.
Yeah, that's it.
It is within me...within you.
Let's go for our dreams. Lose the inhibitions. Drop the excuses.
We have what it takes to achieve our dreams...be our best
Yes, we do.
Can I get a comment high five?
Tonight I saw him.
I held him for an hour as he sobbed in my embrace.
Fourteen.
He should be happy with family and friends.
Fourteen.
Laughter should fill his life.
Fourteen.
Vicarious mischief should surround him.
Fourteen.
Not the barren walls of
a behavioral crisis intervention center
enduring
withdrawal from years of drug therapy
in order to find the real person.
Fourteen.
Fetal alcohol syndrome,
bipolar disorder
and
none of it his doing.
Fourteen.
I want my son in my home
in my arms.
Yet
despite the unconsolable ache in my heart,
I know it is not best that he be home
now.
Fourteen.
He cried in my arms
like the baby I remember
as we rocked
and
said our
words of
I love you.
Fourteen.
God, he is only a boy.
Hold him.
Give him peace
and
the comfort of
knowing
how much we love him.
But damn it, God,
why him?
Good. It will be good.
I believe.




