Slurping Life

Mapping My Heart

Today you will find me mapping my heart at Wrapped Emotions.

Wednesday and Thursday you will find me at the spa hospital undergoing rejuvenation angioplasty and a stent. 

See you soon.

Crumpled With Love

One morning it was there.  The gift was simply there, appearing as though by magic.  I looked closely and read "For Mom, From Mac, Do Not Open Before Cristmas" (as written, misspelled).  The gift was wrapped by boy hands, crumpled with love...the most beautiful Christmas package I have ever seen.

Later that morning Mac said, "Mom, there's something special for you beneath the Christmas tree."

"When I came downstairs this morning I noticed a beautifully wrapped gift with my name on it." I replied.

"I found the wrapping paper in the attic and wrapped it all by myself." he said beaming with pride.

I just hugged and kissed the dickens out of him.  There could be a dead rat in that package... I don't care.  It is a gift of thoughtfulness and love from my son who is himself a precious gift.

The Christmas season in our home has been filled with many little moments I never want to forget...the gift of every moment...for every moment comes only once.

Would you like to join us in sharing the precious little moments which light your life this Holiday Season?

~~~~~

Later this morning my mom will be here, and we are going on a girl's day out wild Christmas shopping spree.  Lunch and lattes will be involved.  Maybe dinner and wine...who knows how long this could last...no boys in tow.

Sunday, I invite you to visit our Christmas Open House here at Slurping Life.

Remember, that midnight EST tonight is the deadline to enter A Vintage Christmas Book Giveaway.

Candlelight, Tree Light and Silence

As I sat on the sofa sipping hot tea this morning surrounded only by candlelight, tree light and silence, I made a vow.  Then came the confirmation of my decision...

Footsteps quietly descend the stairway as Lee calls, "Mom?  You down there?"

"Yes, sweetheart.  I'm here on the sofa."

Slowly he enters the room.

"Oh mom, the candles are lit and the trees are on and the house smells like Christmas.  Christmas is my most favorite time of the year."

He nestles beside me pulling an afghan over the two of us...snuggling on the sofa in the candlelight.  This moment is a gift and this moment will never ever come again.  Yes, I made a vow...and I intend to keep it.

Will you join me?

The Angel's Gift

Christmas Eve, 1997...but tonight, sitting by candlelight pondering Christmas memories...it seems only yesterday...

"Andy, are you ready to go?"

"Hold on.  I'll be there in a minute" he responds.

"Chuck, could you please finish dressing Lee.  I'm hooking Mac up to his monitor and dressing him."

"Mom" calls Wanda.  "Would you please fix my hair?"

"Yes, sweetie, but I need to finish dressing Mac first."

Then I realize that I'm not dressed and my hair is a mess.  It is hectic getting a sixteen year old son, an extremely active two year old son, a medically fragile infant and an eight year old daughter ready to leave the house together.  But I smile, feeling the blessings of family on this holy night.

Finally, everyone is fully clothed, hair in place, wired to monitor and potty breaks taken.  We head out for the candlelight Christmas Eve service at our church.  The church has a large congregation, and we must arrive a bit early to be assured a seat.

When we enter the sanctuary there are no visible seats available.  An usher leads us to the front of the church to a pew where one of the elderly ladies of the church is sitting alone.  She smiles as she slides over to make room for our entourage of bodies and necessary gear.  There is no time to chat, other than our exchange of "Merry Christmas"...the service begins.

As the lights come on and we prepare to leave, the elderly lady speaks, "What a beautiful family.  How old is your baby?"

"Thank you" I reply.  "He is three months old, but he is not our son.  We are his foster parents and the plan is for him to return to his birth mother."  As I spoke those words, tears weld up in my eyes.  I realized just how much I loved him and wondered how I could ever let him go.

The lady smiles; her face aglow.  "Oh honey" she says, "He is your child.  Merry Christmas."

A peace flows through my soul such as I have never before felt.  I look into the the crystal blue eyes of the lady, again she smiles, but I have no words.  She rises slowly, beginning her walk down the aisle, and for a moment...just a moment...I could have sworn wings were peeking from beneath her Christmas red coat.

This Christmas Mac is ten years old, and of all my sons, he has the biggest Christmas spirit.  He is the angel's gift to us.

~~~~~

Visit Wrapped Emotions to read about his week's prompt, lucubration.

This post is also a part of this week's blog blast at The Parent Blogger's Network, "What Makes A Gift Memorable?"  The blog blast is sponsored by Excitations which offers a variety of memorable "experience" gifts for all ages.

My heart feels it is the gifts which money cannot buy that are memorable...love is the greatest gift.

Wrapped Up All Snuggly

As I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus played in the background and wrapped up all snuggly warm, I posted the new prompt for this week at Wrapped Emotions, my other blog.  Yes, the boys are in charge of Christmas music today.

Whether or not you choose to actively participate and share, I think your heart will be blessed and your soul warmed by simply doing this one.

Love Doodles

The latest prompt at Wrapped Emotions (my other blog) begins...

With Thanksgiving being next week everyone begins to ask the traditional question..."For what are you thankful?" This week let's put a little twist on that thought.

What do you love today?

You can read the entire post for specifics, but basically we were to list, write, doodle "what do you love today" ~ today being the day the project is actually done.

Mine...

Truth be known, there is not enough paper in the world to list the people and things I love on any given day.  I love freely, and I am freely loved.  It was a cheerful, fun project...one which left me in a most thankful frame of mind.  Nothing more to add...my art journal page does the talking.

What do you love today?  Give the project a try...all of us were all smiles and happiness completing our love doodles.  If you complete a "what I love today" page, post it on your blog and leave a link.  The WE gang just loves to share and connect with one another.

~~

Just a note:  My Sharing Beauty feature will return next Sunday.  Appointments and sick family have kept me from doing much blog reading this past week.

Facing Myself

You know, I come up with these ideas over at my other blog, Wrapped Emotions, and then realize "Oh, I have to do this, too".  There was a bit of second guessing myself this week, but when my project was underway things didn't seem so bad.  As a matter of fact, Melody likes Melody.  (visit the blog for full project details)

Some days in my view everything is wrong with me.  Some days I view myself as a good person who has it all pretty well together.  Some days I like the way I look.  Some days I don't.  Some days I cannot even hold a thought long enough to know what I think.  But the bottom line is I am a happy person who has a family that loves her.  Thanks to good genes the old face ain't too shabby, and I've earned every charming characteristic it displays.

This project did not challenge me to the point of tears as I originally felt it might.  I don't have any deep insights or revelations about myself.  I suppose that surmises to say despite the trials of my day to day life and the accompanying stress, Melody is happy with who she is and where she is.  Aging has it's perks.

Non-edited except to convert to black and white, here I am...

Printed, traced and scanned back into the computer...

   

"I want to express my age and be authentic. Why do so many people follow somebody else's idea of what is attractive?" --Diane Keaton

I  *heart* Diane Keaton.

Visit the links at Wrapped Emotions and meet a group of fabulous women bloggers.   

Special Squishy Moment

"Mom, they left me."

"Mom, they said I can't play because I can't run fast enough."

"Mom, they laughed at me."

"Mom, they called me that boy who walks funny."

"Mom, they said my eyes were weird."

"Mom, they pointed at me and laughed."

"Mom, they were mean to me."

"Mom, I want someone to play with."

"Mom, I don't have many friends."

"Mom, they don't like me."

Often I hear these words from Wil.  Although his cerebral palsy is on the higher end of moderate and he walks, talks and is as sharp as a tack...that almost makes it more difficult.  At first glance he looks like any other all-American little boy who can talk, run and play.  But clearly he struggles.  His bike has special training wheels.  He legs have braces.  His eyes don't always align just right.  His mind gets stuck in a place.  He sees...and hears...and feels...the differences. 

This past week was full of family fun with Halloween activities such as cookie baking, carving pumpkins, reading stories, making and eating caramel apples, trick or treating and sorting candy.  We do much as a family on a daily basis and are rarely apart.  But my husband and I also strive to spend time with each child individually.  The boys have varied needs and interests.  As parents, we work hard to meet each. 

This week Wil was having a particularly difficult time, finding it almost impossible to connect with the neighborhood kids.  Often he is left out because he cannot keep up, falls just short of the criteria to enter a game or neighborhood activity, or is just viewed as different.  Wil plays best with children who are two or three years younger than himself and this week they were just not out and about.  He turned to me.  To me, his mom.

We bought a basketball goal this week and Wil was thrilled.  He is desperately searching for "what I am good at".  Right now he doesn't understand that the gifts he has are more than physical, so we work with and encourage whatever his current interest might be.  Right now it is basketball. 

I was in the throes of cleaning the refrigerator.  There was a rank smell in there which none of us could identify...we had each sniffed every item in the frig.  Nothing seemed to be the culprit.  So I diligently removed every item, dismantled the shelf components and washed it all like a mad woman clearly on a mission.  Then Wil walked in from outside and asked, "Mom, will you play basketball with me?".

Dropping everything...vegetables, fruits, meats, soy milk...everything left to spoil...it didn't matter, I took his hand and said, "Yes".  We went outside and shot hoops.  He attempted to dribble and I pretended to struggle to steal the ball from him.  I dribbled and he quite aptly slapped the ball away from me.  Then we sat and had a drink of water and talked.  I asked if he would like to practice his shooting while I took some pictures of him.  He said, "Yeah, I want to practice and get my first goal."

You have no idea how completely perfect the moment was...THAT moment...when my son... who struggles...got his first basketball goal...and I was there to capture it...after snapping shots of countless misses.  Just as the ball sat on the rim...just before it dropped...I snapped the photo.  The smile and triumph on Wil's face wasn't captured because I dropped the camera and embraced him as he screamed "Yes, yes! I did it!  I did it!"  And we high-fived and danced with relentless joy.

It was a precious, squishy moment.

Plenty of Heart

The Wrapped Emotions project last week was a prompt to "feel the world"...textures...and bring a bit of it home in crayon rubbings and share the experience.  Like many WE participants, I did several rubbings away from home, but those done at home were the ones I chose to share.

I gently tossed down an assortment of things the boys, including my now 26 year old, have made for me over the years...beaded bracelet, beaded heart token, paper clip bracelet with charms, charms from two other bracelets and a plastic art craft heart made of little plastic circles.  I also included an angel wing from one of the pairs the boys and I found on the beach.  Angels wings are shells from the beach found in  matching pairs and are shaped like angel wings.  When the boys and I walk the beach during summer vacations, we always find a pair.  Never when I walk alone, only when I walk with them.

I stared at the rubbing.  I looked through my little chest of precious jewels and trinkets that my sons have made for me since preschool age...every single item contained a heart-shaped bead, trinket or had a heart drawn on it.  If there was no heart in the actual design of their creation, it was signed with the drawing of a lopsided little heart and then their name. 

I felt a tingle pass through my body...the realization that with everything they have made for me, my sons have given me hearts...their hearts.  My heart danced and smiled.

~~~~

I am late posting my creation this week.  The deadline is midnight EST each Sunday, but since Wrapped Emotions is my blog I took special privilege and posted anyway.

Each week's project is posted on Tuesday mornings.  This week the first guest blogger at Wrapped Emotions has a project for us, and it holds promise of releasing quite a bit of emotion.  I hope you'll find a moment to drop by and perhaps join us.

Win A Dragon, My Contest, Buzz With Me and More

It's Friday and my thoughts are fragmented and my body is on the run.  Here's a contest and a few snippets.

In celebration of Vegetarian Awareness Month Amy, the Crunchy Domestic Goddess, is giving away a copy of “Herb, The Vegetarian Dragon”, a story about diversity, acceptance and living together in harmony.  It's a beautiful children's book, but certainly a lesson we adults frequently need to hear.  Entering is simple.  Simply pop over there and leave a comment.
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I still have invitations to share if you are interested in joining cre8Buzz.  It's a fun new community to connect with bloggers and get your blog noticed.  You can visit the site to see what the buzz is about, and you can find me at cre8Buzz by clicking here.  Joining is currently by invitation, so just drop me a comment if you are interested.
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Do me a favor and please read about Chelsea, and visit the link. 
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Beware.  I have been tagged, and Saturday my post will combine three memes into one.
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Remember to post on Monday for Blog Action Day.
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Christina, I have not forgotten your tag...from how long ago?...and the photos are coming.  I just found them and now need to scan them.
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Got paper?  Got a crayon?  Come and play.
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My contest is open until noon EST Sunday.  Monday morning I'll post the answer and winner of the gift card.
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Our family has a football game, Greek Festival, Renaissance Festival and a trip to the library on the weekend calendar, and I want to catch up on visiting my bloggy friends of Wordless Wednesday and Thursday's Theme.

Wishing you an autumn weekend full of moments that make you smile. 

Got A Crayon?

Got a crayon?  Then pop over to my other blog, Wrapped Emotions, and play.

Then come back to Slurping Life a little later today and enter my contest.  I cannot believe what this contest is about...Is She Or Isn't She?  Contest is now posted here.

Beauty Of Now and Graffiti

Sunday at Slurping Life is a day of sharing beauty.  Beauty is found in that which is created from the heart.

It's almost the deadline for posting my completed Wrapped Emotions project for this week, and  honestly, I almost forgot to do it.  Spending a lot of time observing, enjoying the world around me and saying "wow" has taken my mind to a new level of contentment...it's a refreshing vantage point.  Much like climbing to the mountain peak, looking out and photographing the entire world with one click.  I like it.

From my present vantage point came the realization that there is no reason to continue to procrastinate with want-to-dos, projects...dreams.  Last week I realized it was time to overcome the stressful fear found in not trusting myself, and as a result, this week has been much brighter for myself and my family. 

Life entrances me.  I want to learn, soak up knowledge...even more than knowledge, I want to deeply inhale every moment of life equally...the moments spent plunging a toilet...feeling an autumn breeze against my skin.  I want to use my word countless times before this brief earthly life passes.

So this week's graffiti project was done very quickly this morning in the true spirit of a graffiti artist.  I had a message and my art was created quickly without a thought process.  As I worked it, the piece looked rather blah to me.  It was only after completing it that the depth of the multi-layers became apparent.  There are words buried in there that you cannot see, but still they bring forth the message..much like emotions that are hidden deep within myself, yet they make me the whole.  Those deep emotions subliminally create who I am.  The end result of the colors are jeweled, deep and rich even though they appeared extremely drab, uninspiring during the process. 

It truly is after completing a piece of art that the beauty is revealed...the message is spoken.   Perhaps if we step back and look at our lives through the view of "whole" rather than harping on the little drab spots, the hard times would not be so overwhelming...the jewel tones of the rich, beauty of our lives would be revealed to ourselves now...rather than only to others after the piece of art which is our lives is complete.

Step back...take a long, loving look at the whole image of your life.  Do you see the jewel tones...the rich beauty?  It's there...keep looking...

~~~

What I did...
First on the journal page I painted two layers of gesso.  Then using a metal skewer I scratched textures and lines, squiggles over the page.  Next I took a black marker and wrote words...wow, joy, love...and ink stamped the word smile a few times.  With black ink I placed several of my thumb prints.  Then I squirted acrylic paints and a gel medium in lines and squiggles and scraped them across the page using an old credit card.  The gel keeps the paint workable longer and I dabbed the colors with a paper towel.  When dry I wrote the words "do it now" and using a white oil pastel crayon, I colored over the entire page.  Then using the same paper towel from above, I smudged, rubbed and softened the effect.  Using several colors of oil pastels, I quickly traced some of the textured lines that had been etched into the beginning gesso layer.  None of this was a thought out process.  I just had fun.  It was a joy to create.

~~~

Take a moment and inhale the beauty created by several introspective, creative women.

Together

I'll not share my completed art journal page.  It was created in moments of deep, personal despair...just too dark and ugly to share...too raw.  But it's creation was necessary and allowed me to come unwrapped...then re-wrap the package of me with pretty paper.

Trust.  What I know about trust is that at this moment mine does not extend beyond God and myself.  Honestly, I thought that I could not trust myself, but clearly I can and should.

This week's Wrapped Emotions project really is not difficult for me...I am well-aware of each of my fears and I slay them daily.  My place of trust is within myself with my faith. My ritual of renewing that trust is found in calming moments of the night, embracing the quiet beauty of creation which surrounds me in what is my time of peace. 

This week the calming moments of my nightly renewal have stopped.  There's been no time to commune with the peace of the night, and it's because I failed to trust myself...what a mother knew about her child.  I gave in to the trusting of doctors, again, and am left with the ache, the guilt, the tears as I have watched my child pay the price of my trust...in someone else.

During the past two weeks I have been brought to a breaking point more times that I can count.  Even to the point of believing life for me could not go on...not one day more.  I hurt so hard, so deeply for my child that the grief was too much to bear....at least I thought it was too much... 

Then my child's eyes met mine...his tears flowed in unison with mine...his heart beat in a rhythm of pain with mine...his words blended in harmony with mine..."I love you"...

A new ritual begins.  Nightly, as sleep fails to embrace my child, I trust my soul.  As only a mother can, I wrap my heart and arms around my child...stroke the precious head of fear...kiss the salty tears of pain.  Together, we will fear.  Together, we will trust.

Learning To Trust Yourself

"My life...is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." -- Gilda Radner

"A spirited mind never stops within itself; it is always aspiring and going beyond its strength." -- Montaigne

"Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life." -- Seneca

"The opportunity to experience yourself differently is always available." --Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

"The challenge is in the moment, the time is always now." -- James Baldwin

"It is not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise." -- Goethe

"I do it."  -- Mike's son

I am struggling to trust myself.  Maybe you would like to join me in learning to trust yourself.  I'd love the company.

The Beauty of Finishing

Sunday at Slurping Life is a day of sharing beauty.  Beauty is found in that which is created from the heart.

I discovered the beauty of finishing my art journal cover last night.

(If you click the photo you get a larger image and can read the stickers)

I also discovered that I am a procrastinator at beginning any project in my life.  My problem lies in that I make the assumption that something or someone will interrupt, therefore, it is necessary to find a huge chunk of time alone to begin in order to complete. Life is what we think it is...have you noticed that?  We truly have much power over making our reality.  I will be working on my mindset.

However, I also realized that I work best under pressure...being forced to get it done NOW.  It is the nature of life around here because the personalities and needs of this family are extreme and  often acute...I am constantly forced to function under the pressure of dealing with issues of bipolar disorder, autism, cerebral palsy, PMS (whatever).  I now understand that's the way it is, and you know what, I'm good at working under pressure.  Although a quiet lulling day now and then is soooooo nice.

Look, I even mounted my second Wrapped Emotions project in my art journal.  My first project was originally done in the journal.  Rolling right along...

Visit Wrapped Emotions for links to the beauty participants are creating...with their hands, minds and hearts.  We hope you'll join us in our journey...to create, connect, express yourself.

Getting Emotional and Creative

If you haven't heard, I have another blog, Wrapped Emotions.  It's a place where we're getting emotional and creative. Looking for a way to express yourself creatively, connect with your emotions, give and receive encouragement?  Then please stop by and see what we are doing over there.

It's Monday and the prompt of the week is up.  Can't wait to see what you create.

Whistle And Shout

A grown woman who has been mothering boys for as long as I have should know better.  I have not felt well all week, fighting a bug and full-blown insanity.  Yesterday I needed to get Lynnae's gift from last week in the mail, so I loaded up the boys and headed to the post office.  In the recesses of my mind was the thought "this will be an opportunity to finally get some shots for the Wrapped Emotion prompt this week". 

The line to the postal counter was long...my patience was not.  So I stepped up to the high tech box which will weigh your package and with a few screen touches produce the postage label to send your pre-addressed package to the land of your heart's desire.  With much assistance from my crew, I chose a label which was too large and would cover the mailing address.  Great, a $2.32 useless piece of sticky paper.  Being the ever clever woman, I grabbed a larger envelope, popped the smaller package inside, adhered the postage label and dropped that baby into the mailbox. Ta-dum...problem solved...IF I had managed the forethought to address the new envelope.  Funnier still is that I only realized my error sometime in my sleep last night and awoke with the realization of what I had done.  Yes Lynnae, your package of card making supplies is out there somewhere.  I'll get a new one in the mail tomorrow.

Having finally accomplished something for the day (so I thought), a wave of energy overtook me.  I grabbed my point and shoot camera from the car.  The boys accompanied me to the flag pole in front of the post office which fronts a busy four lane highway and were completely flabbergasted as I proceeded to place my body horizontally on the wet sidewalk (finally, rain) and snap shots of the flag. People walked by me and over me.  As I pulled my self upright and the boys snickered at my wet backside, a car load of dudes whistled and shouted "Hey beautiful, did you get the shot?".  Being the eternal optimist, I chose to look at this as the high point of the experience. 

A woman whose head has been in the toilet for two days takes what she can get.  I have absolutely no insights, no epiphanies, no creative gains from the experience.  The photos were not even very good, so I played in Photoshop to come up with a photo that revealed at least a little creativity.  Some days the most a gal can hope for is a whistle and shout.

Did I Frightened You?

Oh dear me!  No one is commenting over there.  Did I frightened you with my latest?  Come back and play...it's really fun, really.

Just my silly way of reminding you the latest Wrapped Emotions prompt is up, and I'd love to have you come over and express yourself.

Pixie Stix Or Fairy Dust?

We're expressing ourselves at Wrapped Emotions, and the fun is open to everyone.  I hope you'll join us to express yourself and have the opportunity to win a gift each week.

Here's my contribution for "Let Them Eat Candy". 

"Melody, hurry or you'll miss the bus."

In elementary school I never wanted to miss the school bus.  Actually, I never wanted to miss waiting for the school bus.  Upon hearing the warning, I would pull on my cowboy boots...yes, cowboy boots, I was a tomboy...grab my school gear and run out the door.  Trusty dime always in my pocket.  I would run the two blocks up the hill to Conley's Store which served as the bus stop.  Old Mrs. Conley was a widow and her store, a two-story weathered wooden building, had a huge covered porch.  It was the perfect place for a bunch of school kids to be protected from the elements of nature as they waited for the bus to come.

When I arrived my friends were often already in line waiting to enter the double screened doors that fronted the store.  Fear would creep into my heart.  What if they were all gone when it was at last my turn?  Up the cement steps, finally, and into the store where I would pull out my shiny dime and say with anticipation "Pixie Stix, please".  Then Old Mrs. Conley would place a rainbow of paper sticks into my hand.  Those skinny little wrappers held what surely must be fairy dust.  How else could you explain the magic they worked as I tore open each one and sprinkled it into my mouth?  My squeals of delight, my happy yet puckered lips, my rainbow tongue.  Friends giggled beside me, each enjoying their morning magic of choice as we waited for the yellow school bus.

Pixie Stix...I still believe fairies make them.

Preview of A New Blog ~ Wrapped Emotions (edited for BSM)

Edit:  I made it back to play Best Shot Monday.  I never miss Tracey's fun and could not bear the thought of missing it now. So after you (pretty please) read about my new blog fun, scroll down for the photo.  To all of you who have left comments at the new place...I just love ya!

I have begun publicizing my new blog today, Wrapped Emotions.  If you take a moment to visit Wrapped Emotions for a preview, I would be so happy there would be singing and dancing and tossing of chocolate involved.  I'd truly appreciate some feedback over there, and hopefully, some participants once the how-to and wherefores are posted.

In the meantime, don't forget the fun at Best Shot Monday.  I'll be back later today with mine...yeah, I'm sure I will.  The photo will be edited and posted sometime between the homeschool field trip, the planning and celebrating of two birthday parties this week, a doctor's appointment and filling out questionnaires for two boys' psychological reevaluations on Wednesday. But don't hold your breath.

Get A Manicure ~ Best Shot Monday

Yesterday when we returned home from brunch, this guy greeted us in our driveway.  Actually, he chased us around the driveway.  He was one aggressive and speedy turtle.  Did you notice his claws, turtle toenails or whatever you call them?  Yikes!

So it's really not that great of a shot, but it was the best I could do because he really was chasing me!

Wrapped Emotions

That's all I'm saying...for now.   Except, I sure hope you can drop by tomorrow.

*Button created by Just a little bit of something extra creations.